What is Self-Management?
Self-management is the ability to navigate and shift in a healthy way one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to make decisions and reach goals that benefit oneself and others. This includes managing stress, controlling impulses, motivating oneself, and setting and working toward achieving personal and academic goals.
Self-Management Skills Checklist:
- Regulating and expressing one’s emotions thoughtfully and intentionally.
- Demonstrating perseverance and resilience to overcome obstacles.
- Sustaining healthy boundaries
- Identifying and using stress management strategies.
- Setting personal and academic goals.
- Using planning and organizational skills.
- Being proactive and taking initiative.
- Staying focused.
- Using feedback constructively.
- Practicing self-care.
Regulating Emotions
While there are countless ways we regulate our emotions, one of the most common methods is suppression, or shoving them deep down inside to limit their expression. People often suppress their emotions because they don’t want to accept or experience them, which has been found to negatively affect a person’s physical and mental health, in addition to lessening their social support.
Another common method for regulating emotions is changing how we think about a situation to change how we feel.
Other examples of emotion regulation strategies include:
- Checking your beliefs about emotions. Do you believe emotions are good or bad? Do you believe emotions are controllable or uncontrollable? Research suggests that if we believe emotions are good and controllable, then we are more likely to choose to engage in an emotion navigation strategy that also helps us to feel good.
- Writing about your emotions. Research has shown that writing about our emotional experiences can increase our happiness, reduce anxiety and depression, and improve work and school performance. Writing about our experiences makes us active creators of our own life stories and, as a result, we feel more empowered to cope with challenges.
- Practicing mindfulness. Research has found that mindfulness helps us differentiate our emotions, giving us more information about how we feel about a situation. This, in turn, makes it easier for us to know what strategy to use to navigate our emotions in a healthy way.
- Labeling emotions. One study found that labeling our emotions can decrease the amygdala response—or the part of the brain associated with emotional responses. In other words, “name it to tame it.”
Perserverance and Resilience
Going to college is an exciting adventure that can be both a demanding and rewarding experience. For many, it is the first time living away from home while juggling challenging coursework plus a job or extracurricular. Also, there are usually seemingly impossible deadlines with no wiggle room. It's easy to feel overwhelmed in these situations, but it will pay off in the end if you put forth the effort and don't give up. One of the most important attitudes is perseverance, which is crucial if you want to succeed in college. Why is perseverance important?
What is Perseverance?
Perseverance is getting back up when life knocks you down with a bit of grit and determination in your pockets and a willingness to try once more. It means not giving up before you reach the finish line and having the strength to put one foot in front of the other, even when the odds seem insurmountable. Ultimately, perseverance is about being confident in your abilities and trusting that you'll find a way through if you persist.
Experiencing Setbacks
Setbacks happen to us all, and while they may feel like they're the end of the world at first, it's worth remembering that failure is just part of life — and pivotal in our learning and development. It can be difficult not to get discouraged when a setback occurs; no one likes wasted effort. But remember, picking yourself up and pushing forward is how you truly grow. So, the next time you face disappointment, don't allow it to drag you down – instead, use it as an opportunity for growth and resilience.
It's OK to Struggle
As a college student, feeling like you're constantly struggling is relatively common. It's perfectly normal to feel a bit overwhelmed from time to time. Take a step back and assess what really matters - your health, your friendships, and your academics - and prioritize those things over the anxiety of what you haven't done yet. Overcoming struggles can be enriching, leading to greater self-awareness and accomplishments. It's OK if you hit a roadblock sometimes – it's all part of the journey.
Stop. Breathe. Reflect.
When life seems overwhelming, or the struggle feels too much, remember to pause, step back, and challenge your assumptions and preconceived notions. A difficult situation can quickly overwhelm us and seem unbearable, yet it's important to remember that we can take control of our turbulent thoughts. When faced with a challenge, instead of allowing yourself to get caught in the riptide of your feelings, make a conscious effort to step back and breathe. Give yourself a moment to pause from the chaos and reflect on your current circumstances. Take the time to glance through the situation from different perspectives, including those outside your immediate worldview. You may discover a solution staring right at you or realize things aren't quite as dire as they may appear at first glance.
Set a Timeline for Disappointment, Then Move Forward
Giving yourself time and space is vital to process negative thoughts and feelings like disappointment when you fail at something or are struggling. After all, not acknowledging them would be turning a blind eye to reality. Don't beat yourself up for being disappointed; likewise, don't wallow in self-pity. Dedicate a set amount of time to letting your feelings out, and then face forward and proceed with renewed determination and, hopefully, having learned something valuable from the experience.
Turn Your "Failures" into Success
Life is a constant journey of learning from our mistakes. When we experience failure in any aspect of life, it can feel like a setback and cause us to feel frustrated and worried about our future. However, the truth is that failures offer a chance for growth and empowerment. Learning from failures can provide valuable insight that will push us to be wiser and more successful. That doesn't mean mistakes need to be celebrated - instead, view them as an opportunity to learn something new, no matter how hard it may feel when it's happening.
Create the Right Mindset (Fixed vs Growth Mindset)
If your biggest fear is failure, you're not alone. Fortunately, there is a way to train yourself to think differently and make failure work in your favor. Instead of allowing it to drag you down into self-pity and despair, reframe it as an opportunity for growth and progress. Understand that each failure presents a learning experience from which you can draw valuable lessons, set new goals, and create better plans. With this outlook in mind, start viewing even the most minor failures as teaching moments instead of debilitating defeats. Soon, you will be well on your way to turning those "losses" into wins and achieving success.
Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
Make a habit of stepping out of your comfort zone. The more often you expand your boundaries, the more frequently you will inevitably slip up, mess up, and stumble. And that's great! Like anything else, learning to make the most of failure takes practice. The more you open yourself to new experiences, the more gracefully you will learn to face setbacks - and the more you'll glean from the learning opportunities!
Don't Waste Your "Failures"
The only way your failures will waste your time is if you neglect to learn from them. The only way to never encounter failure is to never try anything, and that's no way to go through life. Do you realize that most scientific discoveries and technological innovations throughout history are the result of repeated failures? Many of the best inventions are the result of mistakes - even the discovery of penicillin was an accident! Keep this in mind and use it as motivation next time you hit a brick wall or want to give up.
How to Persevere
Perseverance can seem like a difficult concept only successful students can achieve. To some, it may appear that these students had it much easier or that no one else can relate to. However, the truth is that perseverance is simply a choice anyone can make for themselves - you have to decide how badly you want it. So how can you practice perseverance in your life?
Seek Support
Find friends and family members who are supportive of you and your journey and want to see you be successful. Share any doubts and fears and really listen to their feedback. They should be rooting for your success, so if they tell you, "You can do this," believe them! They might even be able to help in more practical ways. For example, if you're struggling to make it to classes on time because your dog needs an afternoon walk, see if a friend could help a few days a week.
Reframe Your "Failure" and Regain Control
As we've mentioned, viewing failures as learning opportunities is vital to overcoming them and finding success, no matter the situation. This mental reframing is essential to regaining control of your narrative. A person who signs up for classes in subjects that don't come naturally to them isn't a failure if they struggle with the course material - they're brave for facing something they know will be a challenge. If they seek the additional support they need to pass the class, they're demonstrating resilience and fortitude, not to mention gaining the sense of accomplishment that comes with overcoming difficulty. Shifting your perspective won't always be easy, but if you consciously try to do so, it's a surefire way to regain control in college.
Show Up Even When You Don't Want To
When the going gets tough, it can be tempting to call it quits. It's natural to gravitate toward the path of least resistance, but this would be a mistake. You must show up and give your all, even when everything tells you to quit. When you reach the other side, you'll be stronger for it and fortified with the knowledge that you are capable.
Maintaining Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are limits that you set with others, and they are essential to healthy relationships. Boundaries can be mental, physical, or emotional. Practicing the skill of setting boundaries with certain people, like close friends and family, can be tough. Here are some tips on setting boundaries, even when doing so feels like a challenge:
How to Sustain Healthy Boundaries
- Acknowledge and respect your emotions. Your emotions play a significant role in figuring out your limits. Listen to them! Validate feelings of discomfort or stress.
- Be direct and assertive. This is the hard part. You may worry about hurting someone’s feelings or making things awkward when setting boundaries. But if the conversation is respectful and honest, a true friend or partner will understand and respect your boundaries. Try to communicate calmly and clearly.
- Give yourself permission. Give your feelings and boundaries permission to be there
- Practice self-awareness. Stay aware of how your boundaries are being respected by others and how you are respecting others boundaries. If boundaries are violated, acknowledge that, and consider returning to the conversation another time.
- Prioritize self-care. You can’t give to others unless you are feeling okay yourself. Self-care is crucial in maintaining a healthy life and healthy relationships. Boundaries are self-care.
- Seek support. If you are struggling with boundaries, reach out for help from someone in your circle of support. You can also connect with counselors at the Center for Counseling and Psychological Health for help with setting your boundaries.
- Start small. Boundaries can be tough to set. Start small with a friend or family member you trust and see how setting your boundaries can transform your relationship.
Identifying and Using Stress Management Strategies
Managing stress can make the load feel a lot lighter. We have developed a specific resource to help identify stress management strategies and how to use them.
Please visit the Stress Management Resource for additional information.
Setting Personal and Academic Goals
Setting goals can be a helpful way to stay accountable - think about personal and academic goals you would like to set for yourself.
One way you can create these is by using the SMART acronym to develop them.
S - be specific with each goal (write it out exactly how you want to accomplish it)
M - make it measurable (set a date)
A - make it achievable (you should feel challenged but still should be able to accomplish it)
R - be realistic (or relevant) - goals should measure outcomes and not activities.
T - timely - goals should be linked to a timeframe (again, thinking about the due date or time you set to achieve your goals)
For a planning template on SMART goals, please view this SMART Goals Graphic.
Using Planning and Organizational Skills
Staying organized will help with achieving your personal and academic goals that you have developed using SMART. Planning is key when it comes to how you will achieve these. We have created a resource that will help you start this process.
Please visit the Getting Organized Resource for additional information.
Staying Focused
Distractions can happen throughout your time in college, however staying focus is also key to achieving the goals you have set for yourself. Distractions can be in the form of your phone, friends who want to have fun 24/7, being in noisy environments, or procrastinating.
This is where your boundaries that you have set and the personal/academic goals you have developed, meet. Stay within the boundaries and keep yourself accountable to the goals. This can help staying focused.
Practicing Self-Care
College can be an incredibly exciting time for young adults – and it comes with potential stressors like financial burdens, academic pressure, homesickness, all of which can lead to mental health challenges. (Mental Health First Aid, 2022)
Creating a self-care plan can be helpful in keeping yourself on track.
- Set a routine and stick to it
- Get plenty of rest
- Exercise daily
- Eat a well-balanced diet
- Practice mindfulness, meditation or gratitude
- Maintain a clean space (avoid clutter which can trigger anxiety)
- Stay hydrated